Monday, 14 April 2008

Doctor Who [Warning: Contains spoilers!]

The First Doctor, Davros and Captain Jack Harkness in happier times.

Doctor Who is back on the box and everything is ok. Or so series head honcho Russell T Davies would like you to believe. However, Chokecentral has had a tip off from one of the catering staff at BBC Cardiff, suggesting that the published list of episodes for Season Four is a red herring.

Here’s what she says is coming up later in the series. I’ve left one or two episodes out because they don’t sound very plausible.

Episode 3 - Doctorz 'N The Hood: Two Doctors meet with consequences for the future of the music industry, but only one of them is a Time Lord! Dr Dre co-stars, wielding his "Chronic Screwdriver". Introducing Snoop Doggy Dogg as K-9.

Episode 4 - The Paris Dilemma: The Doctor and Sarah-Jane Smith head back to the 1970s for old time's sake. After a series of misunderstandings at a New York disco, The Doctor finds himself holding the balls of property magnate Richard Hilton. Suddenly it dawns on him that a single massive squeeze could prevent a terrible fate for all mankind.

Episode 7 - The Dalek Invasion Of Essex: Having failed to take over the cosmos, The Daleks decide to invade London via the back door. Landing on Southend Pier, they are forced to abandon their terrible plot when the Hall of Mirrors convinces them that the local Daleks are much taller, wider and more ruthless than they are.

Episode 8 - Carry On Doctor: An outbreak of outmoded suburban stereotypes and agonising double entendres threatens to destabilise the entire universe. With Charles Hawtrey as Davros.

Episode 10 - Quo Tardis: The Doctor and new companion Dawn French crash land in Wembley, Earth during the opening stages of Live Aid. Francis Rossi has been reduced to the size of a walnut by The Master's Tissue Compression Eliminator. Can The Doctor's sonic plectrum save the show from catastrophe?

Episodes 11 & 12 - Three Doctors & A Baby [extraordinary two-part series finale!]: When Rose Tyler leaves him to go hunting Cybermen with ex-boyfriend Mickey, The Doctor calls on two of his former selves to help with the childcare. It's their greatest challenge to date...but who is the father? Answer: they all are! Co-starring Tom Selleck as the space-time continuum and Shirley off Eastenders as Rose.